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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26471341">Dead or Alive</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/RensSaxophone/pseuds/RensSaxophone'>RensSaxophone</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Uta no Prince-sama</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>M/M</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-09-15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-09-15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 09:08:13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Graphic Depictions Of Violence</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>8,837</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26471341</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/RensSaxophone/pseuds/RensSaxophone</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Ranmaru is taken, and after six months of trying to get him back- Tokiya finds that something's very wrong.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Hijirikawa Masato/Jinguuji Ren (minor), Ichinose Tokiya/Kurosaki Ranmaru</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>13</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Dead or Alive</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Warnings ; there's torture, and mind break- and it's a joker trap fic but it's pretty dark, too.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Tokiya’s hands shake, pacing outside of the infirmary door. </p><p>Ranmaru had been taken- it’s been almost a full six months. He had been on a solo mission, and as far as Tokiya could tell, he shouldn’t have gone alone. There were more people than they had guessed and Ranmaru had been overpowered, which was a terrifying thing to think about. After all- Ranmaru Kurosaki was not a man that was easily tricked <i>or<i> overpowered. He was the strength of their operation, for God’s sake.</i></i></p><p>
  <i>
    <i>But they had gotten him back today- a mission Tokiya should have gone on but no one had asked him. It made him livid. After all, he and Ranmaru were married. And he was the <i>intelligence</i>. He was smart enough to not go running in, guns blazing, emotions overtaking him on this rescue mission, because he wanted Ranmaru <i>back</i> and not <i>dead</i>. But they had left before Tokiya had even known they were gone. And now, as they were giving him medical attention, they wouldn’t even let Tokiya in to see him. </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>“Toki.” Ren’s voice is soft and gentle, but Tokiya still jumps. Ren’s hand settles on Tokiya’s shoulder. “He’ll be alright.”</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>“How do you know that?” Tokyia’s voice is too harsh. He doesn’t snap this- it’s not Ren’s fault, but he’s stressed. Angry. Like a cornered cat. “They aren’t letting anyone in to see him.”</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>“He’s a fighter.” Ren doesn’t seem thrown off at all by Tokiya’s attitude. “And I know he wants to see you just as much as you want to see him.”</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>“How long are they going to make us wait, then?” Tokiya’s hands tighten into fists, his eyes closing as his head hangs. Ren lets go of his shoulder, but not for long. His hand settles on Tokiya’s opposite shoulder to pull Tokiya into his side in a half-hug. </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>“As soon as he’s capable of having visitors, they’ll let you in.” </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>“You speak so confidently. I’ve completely lost faith in-” Tokiya is cut off by a warning look from Ren. </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>“I know it’s frustrating.” Ren says carefully. “And I know it’s difficult to watch your temper right now- but don’t say anything you’ll regret.”</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>Tokiya’s jaw tightens, but he manages to stay quiet, though it certainly isn’t an easy task. Tokiya is almost shaking in his anger- but Ren’s right. Tokiya won’t be seeing Ranmaru if he talks bad about the Agency. If his loyalty is questioned. When Tokiya finally talks again, he can feel his eyes burn and his voice breaks. “I just want to see him, Ren. I want to see that he’s okay with my own eyes.”</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>Ren sighs, squeezing Tokiya’s shoulder before pulling him into a full hug. “I know.” Ren’s hand runs over Tokiya’s back comfortingly.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>It’s nearly a week before Tokiya is finally cleared to see Ranmaru- but it’s to take him back to their shared quarters. Their room was only a single- the only difference between Tokiya and Ranmaru’s room and Ren’s is that they were given a slightly bigger bed. It was the only exception that <i>married</i> couples were given. Otherwise, all of the rooms were the same. </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>Tokiya is nervous to see the condition Ranmaru is in- and he has to stop when he enters the medical room to see Ranmaru- because Ranmaru looks almost <i>fine</i>. Physically- he looked the same as when he was taken. He was no smaller, he wasn’t injured- not even a bruise. But Tokiya could immediately tell that there <i>was</i> something off because Ranmaru’s face was just… blank. There were people crossing right in front of him, and his eyes never once followed them, too fixed on the wall, just above the door. He’s not moving. If he weren’t breathing, Tokiya might think that he was dead. </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>It isn’t much better when Tokiya walks in, but at least Ranmaru’s eyes follow him. </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>“Ran?” Tokiya can hardly keep his voice from trembling, but somehow he does. Ranmaru’s eyes don’t leave Tokiya’s face, but he doesn’t respond. </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>“He hasn’t spoken once.” Tokiya has to bite back his anger at the nurse’s indifference. “We gave him a week with the doctor’s but they haven’t made any progress.”</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>“If he hasn’t made any progress-” Tokiya’s trying his best to keep his voice calm. To hide the anger that’s bubbling inside of him, raising from the pit of his stomach. “Why is he being released?”</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>“We’re not a mental facility.” The nurse’s voice has a bite to it now. “We’ve kept him longer than we should have as it is.”</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>If they’ve kept him <i>so long</i>... why couldn’t Tokiya see him, then?</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>Tokiya’s livid. But he simply just nods. If he gets mad now, it would be bad for both himself and for Ranmaru. So instead he walks forward to begin to help Ranmaru out of the bed. </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>“Come on, Ran. We need to go back to our room.” Tokiya’s hands are gentle on Ranmaru’s arm, one moving to his back to help him get out of bed. Ranmaru’s movement is robotic. When he can no longer keep his eyes on Tokiya, he just stares forward. Tokiya is quiet on the walk back to their room, but his anger is slowly dissolving into pain, seeing the way that Ranmaru’s shoulders are slumped and his eyes never leave one spot in front of him. </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>When they get into their room, Ranmaru stills at the entryway. </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>“...Ran?” Tokiya’s voice is soft. It takes a long second for Ranmaru’s head to turn, and for his eyes to once again settle on Tokiya. </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>Tokiya wants to cry. He wants to throw himself on Ranmaru and hold him- to apologize for letting this happen and for letting this go on so long. That he loves him and that he’ll help him. He’ll help Ranmaru be back to himself. </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>But Tokiya’s afraid. Tokiya’s terrified that he <i>can’t</i> help Ranmaru. There’s nothing more than a very faint recognition in Ranmaru’s eyes, looking at Tokiya- and Tokiya feels like he needs to hold himself together. </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>Losing his composure isn’t going to help Ranmaru. </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>“Let’s get you sitting down.” Tokiya’s voice gentles, rubbing Ranmaru’s back. Ranmaru waits for a long second, and then his eyes break from Tokiya’s face and he heads towards the couch. Tokiya’s frown only stays for as long as Ranmaru’s back is facing him. Tokiya lets out a nearly silent release of breath, and then he walks forward. Ranmaru’s head doesn’t turn, staring blankly in front of him. </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>“I’m going to be-” Tokiya speaks before he touches Ranmaru’s shoulder, still so gentle, but he has to pause when Ranmaru’s hand reaches out to grab his, Ranmaru’s entire body turning. Tokiya has to freeze- because Ranmaru’s grip is painful, and for just a flash, Ranmaru has on an expression. It’s not much of one, but it’s focused. Aggressive. Tokiya swallows hard- his only reaction. He places a hand on Ranmaru’s hand, over his wrist. It’s nearly hovering above it, only just touching Ranmaru. “Hey, it’s alright. I won’t hurt you.” It takes a second of Ranmaru freezing, and then Ranmaru slowly lets go of Tokiya’s wrist. Tokiya resists the urge to wince. “I’m going to be right back. If you need anything from me I’m only in the next room.” </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>When Tokiya very slowly heads to the bathroom- Ranmaru’s eyes don’t leave him until he’s closed the door. Ranmaru turning his body to keep sight of Tokiya had been the most movement he’s done beyond grabbing Tokiya. </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>Behind the closed door, Tokiya looks at his wrist. He can already tell that his wrist is going to bruise from how hard Ranmaru had gripped it. Tokiya closes the toilet lid and slumps down onto it, covering his mouth with both of his hands as his tears start. He’s scared. Terrified. </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>Tokiya doesn’t think that Ranmaru fully knows that Tokiya <i>is</i> Tokiya. The way that Ranmaru had listened to Tokiya’s commands made Tokiya uncomfortable. He spends longer than he’d like to, crying in the bathroom, but he makes sure that he’s entirely put together before he exits. </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>The next few nights go, in Tokiya’s opinion, not well at all. Ranmaru hardly reacts to him again. He only does what Tokiya orders him to, and it’s stiff when he listens. If Tokiya asks him to eat, he’ll eat everything on the plate. Tokiya had to actually stop him, once, because for just a second, a look of discomfort had crossed Ranmaru’s face- but he hadn’t let Tokiya know that he was full. Or that he felt sick- in fact, he hadn’t spoken to Tokiya once. </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>A week into Ranmaru not reacting to Tokiya in the slightest had Tokiya finding Ren out in the middle of the night, when Ranmaru was asleep. </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>As he approaches Ren’s door he can hear soft noises behind it, and it leads him to knock softly on Ren’s door. Ren’s likely playing games. The noises pause and less than a moment later, Ren is opening the door. </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>“Toki? What’s wrong?” Ren certainly does look surprised to see Tokiya, especially with how clear it was that Tokiya was trying to hold back his upset. It had gotten harder through the week. </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>“It’s Ran.” Tokiya’s voice breaks. He lifts his hand, wiping harshly at his eyes. “I’m… please help me, Ren. I can’t- I’m not helping him.” Tokiya breaks into a sob, and Ren holds onto Tokiya’s wrists before he can wipe at his eyes any harder. </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>“It’s only been a week.” Ren’s eyebrows furrow. </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>“And I’ve been just as successful as the doctors.” Tokiya says miserably. “Please help him Ren.” </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>A pained expression crosses Ren’s face. “I’m not sure why you think <i>I</i> can if you can’t. I’m not his husband, Toki. ...You’re not giving up on him, are you?”</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>Tokiya flinches back, pulling his hands back. “I’m not.” He snaps, stepping back, holding his hands close to his chest. “I just… I don’t think I <i>can</i>, Ren. I don’t think I’m going to be enough.”</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>Ren sighs, and his eyes close. Tokiya can see his jaw tighten, and then release, and he finally opens his eyes. “I’ll try to talk to him, but if there’s anyone that <i>can</i> help him, it’s going to be you.”</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>“For his sake, I hope you’re wrong.”</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>Ren comes over the next morning, around breakfast time. </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>“Ran. I’m glad to see you’re back.” Tokiya immediately notices that Ren’s handling it differently than Tokiya has been. Tokiya has been so careful with Ranmaru- keeping his tone so gentle. Ren is speaking to Ranmaru in the same way he always has. </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>Ranmaru doesn’t react to Ren. Not his entrance, or his words. </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>“His eyes are following you.” Ren says softly to Tokiya. “I thought you said you weren’t helping.”</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>“I’m not.” Tokiya’s voice is quiet, but it’s calm. Calculated. “I… was hopeful.” Tokiya feels his throat closing up, but he clears his throat and focuses on keeping his voice even. “But he hasn’t reacted much more than this.” Tokiya’s eyes flicker away from Ranmaru, to Ren. “I’m not sure how much he’s taking in.” Tokiya admits. “I don’t try to order him, but if I ask him to do something he’ll do it- like he’s following an order. If I startle him, he reacts aggressively. I can only imagine what orders he was usually given.”</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>“Why are you so calm about this?” Ren’s eyes narrow. “You certainly weren’t this put together last night.”</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>Ranmaru’s head turns, just slightly, towards Tokiya, his eyes still focused on Tokiya’s face. Ren notices it- but Tokiya doesn’t. </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>Tokiya’s jaw tightens, and then he breathes out. Releasing it. “What does that help?”</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>“Have you thought that maybe you seem like you don’t care?” Ren turns, walking closer to Tokiya. Tokiya takes a step back, his eyes growing just a bit too wide. “What is he getting from you, Tokiya? You’re treating him like something broken.” Ren has backed Tokiya into the couch. “Of course he won’t get better if you don’t expect him to. Don’t you <i>want</i> him to get better?”</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>“Please stop.” Tokiya’s voice finally breaks. Tokiya’s mouth opens, to say something else, something he hasn’t quite figured out yet- and then there’s a loud screech of a chair against tile as Ranmaru stands suddenly from his chair, nearly knocking it over. </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>Ren finally backs up. “And there you have it.” Tokiya’s fingers flex in the couch, trying to get himself together- his eyes flickering between Ren and Ranmaru. Ranmaru’s eyes are on Ren- but the expression is different. It’s the same one he was wearing when he had grabbed Tokiya’s wrist. Ren fully turns, to leave the room. It was clear that Ranmaru wasn’t going to relax until he was gone. “I told you this last night, Toki, and if I haven’t proved it now, I don’t know what will. <i>You</i> are the only person that will be able to help him. Just not the way you’re going about it. If you want him back- <i>act like it.</i>”</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>When Ren leaves, Ranmaru still doesn’t sit down. His eyes stay on the door for a long minute- until Tokiya finally sinks down to the floor. He feels like he’s one step away from losing it. </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>Tokiya considers going to the bathroom. Why would <i>Tokiya</i> getting upset help Ranmaru? But before Tokiya can lift himself to leave, he hears footsteps. He watches Ranmaru with an almost doe-eyed expression. Ranmaru’s face is blank, but he’s moving towards Tokiya. He sinks down slowly, resting on his knees in front of Tokiya, and that’s where he stops. He’s directly in front of Tokiya, watching him. </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>Tokiya lets his head fall, pressing his forehead to the floor in front of Ranmaru’s knees, his shoulders slumping, and he finally cries, full-on sobbing in front of Ranmaru. </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>It takes a very long moment, but Tokiya feels a gentle pressure on the top of his head. When Tokiya lifts his head, Ranmaru’s hand draws back, and on impulse, Tokiya reaches for his hand, but he jerks back before he touches Ranmaru. </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>“No- please. Please don’t pull back.” Tokiya’s voice trembles. Ranmaru’s eyes focus on Tokiya’s, but Tokiya sees Ranmaru’s hand carefully move forward again. Tokiya lets out another sob, closing his eyes, when Ranmaru touches Tokiya’s cheek. </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>Tokiya wants to move closer, but he doesn’t. For now- this is more than enough. </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>“I love you.” Tokiya sobs. “Ren was wrong. I want to help you. I want you to get better. I have no idea what you’ve been through- I thought it was better to put less stress on you. I didn’t want to make it worse.”</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>Ranmaru’s thumb moves over Tokiya’s cheek, a gentle action. When Tokiya opens his eyes to look at Ranmaru’s face, his expression still hasn’t changed. But this was the most responsive Tokiya had ever seen him. </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>When Ranmaru moves his hand, Tokiya sits up, assuming that Ranmaru was done, but he stills again when he sees Ranmaru reach for his wrist. </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>“You didn’t mean to.” The bruise was nasty. Nasty enough that it still wasn’t faded. “If that’s what you’re worried about.” Ranmaru’s hand wraps around Tokiya’s wrist, but it’s certainly not a crushing pressure this time. Tokiya’s free hand lifts very slowly, and Ranmaru doesn’t move his hand when Tokiya puts his hand over Ranmaru’s, his palm resting on Ranmaru’s fingers over his wrist, his own fingertips resting on the back of Ranmaru’s hand. “This was… a horrible situation, Ran. And all I could think about for the months that you were gone was getting you back. I’m sorry that it took so long and I’m sorry I wasn’t there when they got you back- or when you were in the medical ward.”</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>“Last night.” Tokiya can barely understand Ranmaru- though he still jumps when Ranmaru speaks. His voice is almost nonexistent- so quiet that it could be drowned out with a breath. </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>“...I went to Ren.” Tokiya’s eyes close, his head hanging. “I wanted to ask him to help you. I was afraid that I couldn’t. I… I still am. A bit.” He admits. “Though I’m… far more hopeful, now.” Tokiya’s squeeze on Ranmaru’s hand is very soft. </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>“Don’t leave.” A nearly inaudible command. Tokiya is very fast to answer. </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>“I wasn’t going to.” Tokiya’s eyes open, pleading. “I wasn’t-” Tokiya winces as Ren’s words ring through his head. He knows that it was tough love- that Ren was trying to do what was best for Ranmaru, and in that same regard, Tokiya, too. But that didn’t mean it didn’t hurt. “I would never give up on you.”</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>Ranmaru’s squeeze is just a bit too tight. “The room.”</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>“The…?” Tokiya’s face relaxes, understanding. “I’m sorry, Ran. I won’t leave without you knowing again.”</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>Ranmaru doesn’t react, but Tokiya can only assume that means he’s satisfied with Tokiya’s answer. And then, without letting go of Tokiya’s wrist, Ranmaru settles himself completely on the floor. After a moment, Tokiya settles more comfortably, too. </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>Tokiya isn’t sure just how long they sit there, Ranmaru’s eyes trained on Tokiya’s face. Tokiya knows that he looks tired. After a week of being so careful to keep his expressions in check, it was hard to hide any of them. </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>Tokiya had been sleeping on the couch. Tonight is the first night that Ranmaru expresses that he doesn’t like it- because Tokiya steps near the couch, and Ranmaru sits up in the bed. </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>When Tokiya approaches, Ranmaru makes a move to lie down. When Tokiya steps away from the bed, a few moments after Ranmaru is settled- it really wasn’t to avoid sleeping in the bed, or anything of the like. But after Tokiya quietly grabs himself a water bottle from the fridge and turns to see Ranmaru sitting upright again, he thinks his heart stops. He breathes out, recovering from his startle, and his voice softens- though not quite in the same way it had the past week. “Okay. I’m going back to the bed.”</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>Ranmaru doesn’t lay back down until Tokiya’s actually laying down this time. </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>The interaction doesn’t tend to go further than Ranmaru occasionally reaching out to Tokiya. He doesn’t often speak- but every once in a while he’ll give Tokiya a short sentence or two. Tokiya tries to do his best to be more open, because it’s clear that the more open he is, the more Ranmaru reacts. He doesn’t lose it again the way he had the first night, because no longer hiding everything left him with less built up. </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>And while Ranmaru was still very distant- it felt better. Seeing more glimpses of <i>him</i>. </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>The last thing Tokiya wanted to do was to go on a mission- but when he’s called for one, he has no choice. </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>Ranmaru has gotten just a bit more comfortable with Tokiya touching him- he doesn’t react badly when Tokiya places his hand on Ranmaru’s arm. “Ran. I’m going on a mission.” Tokiya mumbles. “I wanted to let you know before I leave.”</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>“I’ll go.” Ranmaru’s voice is just a bit less hoarse. He still doesn’t speak more than a few words in a sentence, but they’ve returned to being far more comprehensible. </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>“No.” Tokiya’s voice holds true fear- he’s too surprised to hide it. “Ran, no.”</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>“Then stay.”</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>“I can’t.” Tokiya’s eyebrows furrow. “You know I can’t.”</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>Ranmaru doesn’t say anything. His expressions were still too blank, and not many of his emotions showed in his eyes- but Tokiya didn’t need anything more than the blank look to get what Ranmaru was trying to convey. Tokiya shakes his head. </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>“I don’t want you in danger again.” Tokiya’s eyebrows move, this time pulling together and pulling up. “There wasn’t a bit of this that was your fault, but I’m still completely unwilling to even give it a chance to happen again. I wouldn’t be going if I didn’t have to- but I’d feel better if…”</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>Tokiya trails off when Ranmaru’s eyes narrow. </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>“Please don’t do this.” Tokiya’s pleading is quiet. “You’re still recovering-”</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>Ranmaru’s expression doesn’t change.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>“I can’t bring you. I can’t.” Tokiya carefully reaches for Ranmaru’s hand. Ranmaru lets him take it, but when Tokiya’s fingers brush against Ranmaru’s wedding ring, something they hadn’t taken that Tokiya is still grateful for, Ranmaru seems to think of a different tactic. </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>When Ranmaru pulls his hand away, Tokiya lets him immediately. But both of Ranmaru’s hands lift to cup Tokiya’s face, and he leans forward. When Ranmaru’s forehead bumps into Tokiya’s, it’s not <i>painful</i>, but it is a bit rough. Ranmaru stays, when he gets into the position. </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>“Darling, please.” Tokiya’s voice breaks, but it’s clear to both of them that if he holds out on this tactic that it’s going to work. “I love you. That’s why I don’t want you to do this.”</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>“I love you.” Ranmaru mumbles. </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>Tokiya’s hands find Ranmaru’s arms as he closes his eyes tightly. “The fact that you’re getting better means everything to me- but why is <i>me</i> that you’re so receptive to?” Tokiya’s voice breaks. “Especially now. I’m just trying to keep you safe.”</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>One of Ranmaru’s hands leaves Tokiya’s face to curl into a loose fist, and he presses the backs of his fingers to Tokiya’s lips. Tokiya feels the cool, metal ring press against his lower lip, and then it’s gone. Tokiya sighs. </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>“I just want you safe.” Tokiya says weakly. “It’s only one mission.”</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>Ranmaru, in the most surprising move to Tokiya yet, leans in. He presses his lips harshly to Tokiya’s, only for a few seconds. “Don’t leave.”</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>“I shouldn’t let you win this.” Tokiya says miserably. “But I think we both know you have.”</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>Tokiya is nervous to be on this mission with Ranmaru. The agency had been skeptical, but cautiously optimistic. Ranmaru still didn’t react much to anyone that wasn’t Tokiya, but the agency, in an attempt to capitalize on that, had made Tokiya the head of the mission. It had gotten a sour look from Ranmaru, but in an attempt to see how their previously best strength agent fared on the field, they did it anyways. </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>It wasn’t an intelligence mission, necessarily- but with Ranmaru not (supposed to be) going on missions, Tokiya was his fill-in. After all, Tokiya really was a decent fighter, and a hell of a shot. Of course, he absolutely wasn’t qualified to lead this mission. Because Ranmaru could beat him in a fight, hands down- hell, Ren probably would, too. And on an offense mission, it’s best to have someone both highly qualified in planning <i>and</i> offense, and Tokiya was still better at planning than he was at fighting. </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>This was just the wrong mission for him to lead- especially last minute. He didn’t know the layout very well, and he wasn’t briefed as a leader. He was briefed as backup. And most of the backup had left to go do their part, which left Tokiya to try to breach the main room where the information was stored. And it was physical information, locked in an electronic safe. It wasn’t exactly his kind of forte.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>He was better with straight computers. </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>It was very obvious how much Ranmaru didn’t like this, even without a distinct expression on his face. Tokiya could tell because of the way Ranmaru’s posture was so stiff, and the way he was pressed directly to Tokiya’s side. He was more robotic than usual. </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>Tokiya’s eyes were reminiscent of scanners. </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>Back and forth. </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>Back and forth. </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>Back and for-</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>Tokiya freezes when he spots someone, reaching out to grab Ranmaru’s wrist with one hand and his gun with his other. It was pure reaction, and Tokiya hadn’t meant to startle Ranmaru with it- and for a second Tokiya is worried that Ranmaru was <i>absolutely</i> not ready to go on a mission. Tokiya definitely wouldn’t say he was ready at all- but if Ranmaru snapped here, it would be bad. </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>And Ranmaru <i>does</i> snap- but it isn’t at Tokiya. Ranmaru’s own gun is out of his holster almost on instinct and Tokiya is almost taken aback with Ranmaru’s suddenly fluid movements, especially when he’s pulled behind Ranmaru. With a sense of unease shining through the surprise, Tokiya realizes that Ranmaru is virtually Tokiya’s shield right now. Tokiya hears two consecutive bullets, and there’s only very slight relief that they both clearly come from Ranmaru. Tokiya hears no further gunfire. </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>Ranmaru had always been careful of Tokiya on missions- but this was something completely different. Ranmaru had never put himself as Tokiya’s <i>shield</i>. When Ranmaru moves forward, Tokiya doesn’t follow. He feels a bit frozen in place. </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>His eyes are still too wide when Ranmaru turns around with an almost dangerous expression, but when Tokiya finally moves forward, Ranmaru won’t let Tokiya stay by his side anymore. </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>“Behind me.”</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>It’s a command. This is the most confident Ranmaru has sounded yet. Ironically, his tone sounds like most like his old self- but this is a command Tokiya almost never got from Ranmaru. The last time he had was a time when Tokiya had gotten hit. Normally, Ranmaru trusted Tokiya to hold his own. </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>“Ranmaru.” Tokiya’s voice is low, but serious. “We’re partners. You’re not my-” Tokiya falls quiet at the look that Ranmaru gives him. It’s been… months, since Tokiya has seen Ranmaru’s expression so… expressive. </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>“<i>Behind me.</i>” Ranmaru’s jaw tightens, and something flashes through his eyes. A look that Tokiya doesn’t quite understand. “And stay there.”</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>Ranmaru won’t move forward until Tokiya finally settles in behind him. If Tokiya falls even a step too far back, Ranmaru will slow, not even needing to look at Tokiya. It’s a bit unnerving. </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>When Ranmaru actually shoots, Ranmaru reaches behind himself to hold onto Tokiya. He usually gets Tokiya’s hip- which keeps Tokiya’s gun holstered to his side. Ranmaru wouldn’t let him unholster it when they weren’t in battle and then blocked him from getting to it when they were. By the time the mission was finished, Tokiya could feel his heart pounding in his chest. There was relief that Ranmaru was uninjured, but there was too much else flooding through him, too. </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>Ranmaru hadn’t acted like that before. And while that may be a long repeated thought, it’s the only one that Tokiya has in his head. Tokiya waits until they’re back in their own apartment, though he feels almost sick at the praise Ranmaru is given back in the headquarters. Ranmaru doesn’t react to it- but Tokiya doesn’t care that Ranmaru had been effective. It was <i>dangerous</i>. Ranmaru clearly wasn’t ready to go on a mission. </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>“I’m not okay with this, Ran.” Tokiya tries to keep his voice from shaking, but he can’t. “I’m not okay with you being guarding me like that. I’m not okay with you getting shot because you’re too busy trying to keep me from getting hurt.”</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>Ranmaru stares. </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>“I’m not letting them put you on another mission.” Tokiya shakes his head. “Not if that’s what you’re going to do on them.”</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>Ranmaru doesn’t react to that either. Tokiya didn’t expect Ranmaru to be sorry for blocking Tokiya the way he had, but Tokiya <i>was</i> serious about what he said. </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>Tokiya had no problem with Ranmaru watching out for him. He thought it was a good thing, for them to keep an eye on each other, after all. But not exclusively. They were partners- Ranmaru wasn’t his bodyguard. Especially not when he still wasn’t well.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>That night, Ranmaru had become a bit more withdrawn again. When it continued into morning, Tokiya had very hesitantly reached out to Ranmaru. Ranmaru’s expression seemed almost duller, noticing how careful Tokiya was acting. </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>“I care about you.” Tokiya says softly. This seems to actually set Ranmaru at ease. “That’s why I was upset yesterday. Because I don’t want our agency taking advantage of you. I don’t want you getting hurt. I’m not angry. It… I don’t know what you went through, Ran, but I can only imagine that I might have seen part of it. I don’t want to scold you, I just can’t let you compromise your own safety. I love you.”</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>Ranmaru stays quiet for a long moment, but when Tokiya’s eyes flicker, for only a second, down to Ranmaru’s lips and he doesn’t make a move, Ranmaru’s eyes narrow. </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>“You don’t touch me.” It feels a bit like an accusation. </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>Tokiya’s eyes widen, almost in panic. “Please don’t misunderstand, Ran.” Tokiya pleads. His hands lift, and then fall. “I want to. God, do I want to. I just don’t know what’s too much for you, Ran.”</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>Ranmaru’s eyes glance down to Tokiya’s wrist- the one that had previously been bruised. Tokiya’s panic reflares. </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>“It wasn’t that, Ran. I don’t hold you to that- you were so out of it, darling. It isn’t that I’m afraid that you’ll hurt me. I just don’t want to panic you.”</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>Ranmaru lifts his left hand, and he presses his knuckles to Tokiya’s lips, the band of his ring pressing to Tokiya’s lower lip. He lets his hand drop but his expectant stare doesn’t. </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>When Tokiya still hesitates, Ranmaru lets out a short noise, almost a sigh. He grabs Tokiya’s hands, not painful but a bit rougher than Tokiya thinks that Ranmaru means to be, and he presses Tokiya’s hands to his face. </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>“<i>Stop.</i>” Ranmaru’s tone just barely hits stern. “Just touch me.”</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>“Just promise you’ll tell me if it’s too much.” Tokiya says softly. It doesn’t take as much effort as Tokiya expected it to to keep himself from hesitating when he leans forward to press his forehead to Ranmaru’s. When Ranmaru lets go of Tokiya’s hands, they stay on Ranmaru’s face. He finally pulls back, to touch his nose to Ranmaru’s, his eyes closing. “It’s been so long since I’ve been able to touch you like this.” Tokiya admits quietly. “You’re here. With me. And I swear to any entity that will listen that I will never let you go again, my love.”</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>Ranmaru’s hands find Tokiya’s sides, and Tokiya’s sigh is soft. </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>Tokiya is slow- so slow, when he leans in to kiss Ranmaru. There is a bit of hesitation, Tokiya won’t lie, but most of it is Tokiya, trying to savor the feeling. Ranmaru is rough in the kiss- something Tokiya doesn’t think he can help, but Ranmaru’s hands never tighten on Tokiya’s waist, and when he pulls away it’s for breath and not for discomfort. His expression is still too blank. Tokiya still can’t read his eyes. </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>But it’s a start. </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>The biggest sign of hope Tokiya has seen that maybe he really can help Ranmaru all the way back from the edge. Things won’t necessarily be perfect- how can they be? Ranmaru was gone for <i>six months.</i> </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>When they go to bed that night, Tokiya takes Ranmaru’s hand. They hold hands in the middle of the bed. </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>It still was a bit too much, to sleep against each other the way that they used to- but holding hands did still make Tokiya feel better.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>The next missions summons both of them, but it’s very clear that Ranmaru is the one they really want for it. </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>And they start assigning roles- this planning was only a debriefing. They’d be going on site as soon as this meeting was over. But Ranmaru was in a group with the leader of this one, and that wasn’t Tokiya this time. Tokiya was in the backup, but it seems like he was invited under the assumption that if he were on the mission, Ranmaru would still go along with it. </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>No one expects Ranmaru to speak up, when he’s told his role. “No.” Ranmaru’s voice is cold. It almost sends a chill through Tokiya. “Toki ‘r no one.”</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>“We put you in the roles that you’ll be best suited for-”</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>Tokiya bites his tongue. Because his first thought was a question. <i>Was Ran suited for the mission he was taken on?</i></i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>It was entirely their fault that Ranmaru was captured, after all. </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>When Ranmaru only glares, they glare back. </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>“This is an order, Agent Kurosaki.”</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>Ranmaru is quiet, but he grabs Tokiya by the hand and he turns to leave. </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>“Stop.” The agent demands. To say that he was angry may be an understatement. “If you’re insistent on being with Ichinose, he can take Agent Shichiro’s place as leader. But your spot will not be changed, Kurosaki, and I’ll inform you that Ichinose does not have the required skills for leadership in this mission.”</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>“Then switch ‘em.” The coldness has not left Ranmaru’s voice. “But anythin’ happens ‘t Toki, I’ll kill you.”</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>That sends a shudder through Tokiya, but he’s quick to speak in a hushed voice. “Ran, please-”</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>The agent’s jaw sets, but he doesn’t say anything. Tokiya can only assume <i>why</i> Ranmaru got this pass, but he’s thanking every God in existence that he did. </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>Ranmaru’s anger doesn’t fade the entire way on the mission. “I’m not arguin’.” Ranmaru says flatly, his voice low in Tokiya’s ear and his hand tight on Tokiya’s bicep. “You’re behind me.”</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>Ranmaru was talkative today. And while Tokiya was expecting <i>this</i>, he wasn’t happy about it in the slightest. Tokiya can’t even open his mouth when Ranmaru fully turns towards him, his face so close to Tokiya’s, and his expression <i>burning</i>. </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>Tokiya wasn’t sure what he thought about the fact that Ranmaru was the most lively when they were in fights but he knew he didn’t like it.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>“<i>You’re behind me.</i>” Ranmaru’s hands move up- to cup Tokiya’s face. His expression doesn’t change. “The entire time.”</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>It had been no more than a few months since Ranmaru had returned. Tokiya can’t find Ranmaru’s new talkativeness to be reassuring, because of what it’s stemming from. </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>Tokiya is the quiet one this time, but when Ranmaru releases his face, he makes it very clear that he really isn’t letting Tokiya get around this. </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>Tokiya has a lot to say, but he’s somewhat of a professional, at least. He knows better than to have an argument in the middle of a mission. Even if it terrified him, the way Ranmaru was blocking him. </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>...Just what had Ranmaru been doing, in the six months he was gone? Was this normal for him? Or was this special for Tokiya? He hopes that it wasn’t the latter. But he hopes it wasn’t the former, either. </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>Though that also meant that either Ranmaru was really getting better, because he refused a direct order to go protect someone else- or it really was only exclusive to Tokiya. </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>Or being around Tokiya was stronger than whatever orders they had instilled in him. That thought almost makes it a bit better- but one look at Ranmaru’s back as his shoulder flexes with the pull of the trigger sends any good feelings fleeing quickly. </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>They get it done, luckily with no injuries. At least between Ranmaru and Tokiya. The man that was meant to be the leader had left with two bullets in him. </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>“I can’t believe I’m saying this, but thank God you argued.” Tokiya says softly. “Had you taken those bullets for him…”</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>“I wouldn’t ‘ve.” Ranmaru actually isn’t looking at Tokiya when he speaks. He’s looking straight ahead of himself. </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>Tokiya does contemplate on whether to push Ranmaru further or not- but in the end, he does. “You’ve been guarding me. Are you saying you wouldn’t have guarded him?”</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>“No.” For a second, Tokiya thinks that’s all Ranmaru’s going to say, but before he can drop it, Ranmaru speaks again. “If we would’a went on the mission ‘n we weren’t partners, I wouldn’t ‘a left you alone. Fuck the orders.”</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>“You’re talking a lot today.” Tokiya says softly. </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>“...I’m not lettin’ you get hurt.” Ranmaru’s jaw is tight. “‘N this was a good way fer you ‘t get hurt. I couldn’t keep quiet.”</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>“...And with me?”</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>Ranmaru’s eyes close. They don’t reopen as he talks. “‘M not ready ‘t talk about what happened.” Ranmaru stays quiet for a long second, his hand tightening in the chair. “But if I’m ever ready, ‘s not gonna happen from stayin’ quiet.”</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>“If you’re uncomf-”</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>“Stop.” Ranmaru’s warning is tired. “Wouldn’t be talkin’ if I felt like I couldn’t.”</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>“Alright.” Tokiya relents. The hesitation is less, when he moves closer, to lean against Ranmaru’s arm. Tonight, however, Ranmaru lifts his arm up, and he wraps it around Tokiya’s shoulders, holding him closer. </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>Tokiya and Ren still spoke often, but they had grown just a bit distant recently, with their own preoccupations. Tokiya was still trying to focus on Ranmaru- because Ranmaru didn’t often like it when Tokiya was alone. Tokiya had left during one of Ranmaru’s naps, and while he did feel bad about it, he had written a note, at least. It was to let Ranmaru know that he was checking on Ren, if Tokiya wasn’t already back before Ranmaru was awake. </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>The base wasn’t necessarily <i>safe</i>, but it was nothing like going on a mission in secret. Tokiya just knew that Ranmaru didn’t like being alone when he was awake, and that’s the only reason Tokiya left while he was asleep. </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>That, and he was worried about Ren. Ren hadn’t dropped by at all over the past few weeks. </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>And Tokiya was right to be. Because when he knocks on the door, he sees Ren, clearly stressed- but he also sees the edge of a sleeve- a finger. A man, moving quickly to hide. Ren had really been trying to hide the inside of his room, but Tokiya can see a flicker of relief in his eyes, seeing Tokiya. </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>“Ren, what’s going on?” Tokiya asks quietly. Ren pulls Tokiya inside, by the sleeve, closing the door quickly behind Tokiya, and then Tokiya realizes that the expression on Ren’s face is <i>guilty</i>. </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>“Masa, baby, it’s okay.” Ren says, his voice is nearly a coo. It’s so gentle. “This is Toki. He’s trustworthy.”</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>The man Tokiya had seen slowly reveals himself. He has deep, royal blue hair and a pretty, pale complexion. </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>“Oh my God, you’re hiding someone.” Tokiya’s voice is nearly inaudible. He wasn’t cruel enough to say that loudly. </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>“It’s… a special situation.” Ren’s voice turns pleading. His grip on Tokiya’s shoulder isn’t painful, but it is tight. As if he’s worried Tokiya may run, yelling into the hall. Of course Tokiya would never. He hoped Ren knew that, too. He was sure he did. The grip may have just been grounding Ren. “He’s an… agency runaway, Toki. I’m trying to keep him safe… He’s my…” Ren swallows hard, and then he lets go of Tokiya to walk to ‘Masa’, wrapping his arm around Masa’s waist. “He’s my lover.” Ren says softly. “Please understand.”</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>“I won’t tell, Ren.” Tokiya says softly. “I’d never. I trust you.”</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>Masa has been quiet, but he’s watching Tokiya, still skeptical. But if he ran from an Agency, Tokiya can’t blame him. </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>“How long has he been here?” Tokiya mumbles. </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>“Nearing a week, but-” Ren’s eyes glance towards the door. “I’m afraid they’re coming to check my apartment soon. ...No one’s been punished in some time and I know one of the agent’s have their eye on me. ...I have no care what would happen to me in that situation, but-”</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>“Ren.” Masa hisses. </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>“You’re in far more danger, baby.” Ren’s voice is just sad, and it hurts even Tokiya, to hear his friend that like. </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>“I’ll keep an eye out for you.” Tokiya offers softly. “To make sure nothing happens. Or to at least alert you before it does. I’d like to give you the best chance that I can.”</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>“Thank you, Toki. That is far more than I can ask.”</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>That day, Tokiya gets back before Ranmaru is up. But when he leaves again, during Ranmaru’s nap a few days later, he just leaves the same note. </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>Tokiya catches Ren, being scolded by an agent. Tokiya actually thinks it might be the one that Ranmaru had fought with, too. No wonder why he was desperate to find someone to harass- he wasn’t able to punish Ranmaru, but Ranmaru had clearly riled him up. </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>“Get out of the way, Jinguij. Room check.”</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>“I believe our rooms are the one place you’re not allowed to check.” Tokiya says coldly, approaching them. Two heads snap in his direction. “Even a low-life like you must have some dignity. Or are you really just that desperate to go searching through Jinguuji’s underwear drawer? I’m afraid to disappoint, but I’m sure it’s just as interesting as your own.”</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>Tokiya crosses his arms, leaning his shoulder against the wall. Ren is in the alcove that leads to his door, and the agent is directly across from Tokiya. His expression has turned from taunting to angry. </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>“Excuse me?” He sputters. “And just who do you think you are?”</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>“Forget my name already?”</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>There are very conflicting emotions in Ren’s eyes. It’s likely too late, for Tokiya to grovel and apologize and plead his way out of this- but a large part of Ren clearly wants Tokiya to try. But there’s a part of Ren that’s keeping him quiet, because he knows that if Tokiya gets out of this, Masa will be found out.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>“I’m well aware of your name, <i>Ichinose</i>.” Tokiya isn’t surprised, when he moves forward and grabs Tokiya by the hair, continuing down the hallway and dragging Tokiya with him at a brisk pace. “It’s the next one on the atonement list.”</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>Tokiya finds himself kneeling in front of a post, his hands bound to the front of it, his shirt stripped and lying on the ground next to him. </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>“Twenty lashes. Count them.” The agent snarls. </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>Tokiya closes his eyes. He reminds himself of why he made this last minute decision. Of why he’d be taking these twenty lashes. Because Ren was his friend- and Ren loved Masa. Because Ren <i>might</i> be lucky to get away with just lashes, but definitely not only twenty. Masa wouldn’t get lashes. They’d kill him. </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>And Tokiya can put himself in Ren’s place. He can put Ranmaru in Masa’s. </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>But worse than that, Tokiya can understand the feeling of losing your partner. For a very long time, Tokiya lived day to day fearing that he’d learn that Ranmaru hadn’t made it. That he’d been dead for God knows how long. </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>“One.” Tokiya chokes out. It’s already painful, and the agent was holding back at all. </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>Oh, boy. Ranmaru was going to kill him. </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>“Two.” There’s no pauses. Tokiya wonders if that were better. </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>“Three.” Tokiya had never actually been punished. Did they always make them count?</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>“Four.” Or was this a special treatment, because it was Tokiya?</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>“Five.” After all, Tokiya had really pissed him off, and not long ago, Ranmaru had made him mad, too. </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>“Six.” Double whammy.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>“Seven.” He was bleeding. He wasn’t sure just how bad his back was already torn up. </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>“Eight.” This felt a little medieval. Tokiya’s thoughts are only just coming coherently.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>“Nine.” If Tokiya lets his thoughts slip, he’ll lose count.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>“Ten.” If he loses count, they might keep going from where he messed up.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>“Eleven.” Or they’d start over completely.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>“Twelve.” Tokiya felt a bit light headed. </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>“Thirteen.” He wondered if he’d just be left like this.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>“Fourteen.” How long would he be here?</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>“F-fifteen.” Counting was harder. Fifteen was right… right?</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>“Six...sixteen.” Tokiya’s entire body is slumped, only held up by the pole. </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>“Seventeen.” His voice is hoarse, though the word comes out whole. </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>“Ei-eighteen.” It’s broken with a sob. Tokiya had managed to hold out so long. </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>“Nine…” </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>“Finish the goddamned word!” Tokiya gets an extra hit, with a lot of extra gusto. </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>It gets a scream from Tokiya. </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>“Nineteen! Nineteen!” Tokiya sobs desperately, cringing into the pole the best that he could. </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>It was almost over. God, let it be almost over. Please let it really only be twenty. </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>“Tw...enty.” Even the pole can’t hold him up now. Tokiya crumples in on himself, but he doesn’t get any more hits. </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>“I’ll send the medic.” Tokiya can almost hear the scowl. “When you’re done getting bandaged, come back and clean the blood.”</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>Tokiya still hasn’t stopped crying when two men come to drag him to the infirmary. He’s in a special ward, designed specifically for people that had gone through punishment. And he’s released, barely two hours after entering. God, Ranmaru must be worried- but Tokiya still had to clean the blood. </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>It’s hell. It’s straight up hell. Every movement hurts, dried blood is already difficult to clean, and Tokiya only gets halfway through it before he has to stop to burst into tears again. </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>There was so much blood. </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>Tokiya’s cries stop abruptly when the door opens- but it’s Ren, leading Ranmaru. </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>Ranmaru hadn’t actually ever been punished. At least not like this. Because a physical incapability would really hurt his job- and they usually didn’t want him off duty for a few weeks. Tokiya wouldn’t be off duty. He could still do certain missions, even as injured as he was. Ren had been punished like this, too- because Ren did sometimes have quite the smart mouth. He had taken some heat for Tokiya before, too, though Tokiya doesn’t think that Ren’s ever gotten more than five.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>“I’m almost done.” Tokiya’s voice cracks. </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>God, he just wants to be done.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>“No. You’re done.” Ranmaru moves forward to lift Tokiya. He’s careful, but his grip under Tokiya’s arms doesn’t hurt that badly. Most of the lashes landed directly on his upper and lower back. </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>“I’ll get the rest of it.” Ren says. His voice is soft in the worst kind of way. It almost makes Tokiya flinch. “I’m sorry, Toki.”</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>“Don’t be.” Tokiya can’t quite shake his head. He thinks he can feel Ranmaru shaking. It isn’t helping Tokiya keep himself together. </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>Tokiya gets lifted. It’s shockingly gentle for the fireman’s carry he’s brought into, but Ranmaru doesn’t have another choice. Tokiya can walk. He knows he can- but he doubts that Ranmaru would appreciate the offer right now. </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>Ranmaru only sets him down when they’re in their apartment, behind the locked door. </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>“This is what I was trying to avoid, Tokiya.” Ranmaru’s voice sounds like it’s desperately trying to be angry, but it shakes. When Tokiya’s eyes find Ranmaru’s, Tokiya can see tears in his eyes. </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>“Can we sit?”</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>Ranmaru’s eyes glance towards Tokiya’s shoulder, indicating his back, of course, but Tokiya shakes his head. </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>“You first. I’ll sit on your lap.”</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>Ranmaru is still a bit cautious, but he does sit- heading to the bed instead of the couch. Tokiya follows after Ranmaru props himself up into a sitting position against the headboard. Tokiya ends up taking his pants off first, because the hem had been digging into his back, and when he’s in nothing but his underwear and his socks, he straddles Ranmaru’s lap. Ranmaru is fast to lift his hands to Tokiya’s face, pulling him closer and pressing his forehead to Tokiya’s. </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>When Ranmaru starts crying, Tokiya starts crying, too. </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>“You scared the shit outta me.” Ranmaru says, his voice still heavily shaking. “Now’s not the time. But when yer better. I’ll tell you what happened.”</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>Tokiya pulls his head away long enough to shake his head, and then he presses his forehead back against Ranmaru’s insistently. “Now. If you’re ready. It’s… already been a hell of a day, Ran. I… I want to know, if you’re ready to tell me.”</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>“Yer hurt.” Ranmaru says tiredly.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>“...I’m going to be for a little while yet I think.” Tokiya’s voice is grim.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>Ranmaru sighs. “It ain’t a happy story.” Tokiya winces. Ranmaru’s eyes close. “Wasn’t a lotta torture, because they needed ‘t use me fer fightin’. Careful bits ‘a drugs. Threats. Kept convincin’ me that they got you. All I heard were fuckin’ screams, ‘n they kept insistin’ it was <i>you</i>. They got you, ‘n if I didn’t just do what they said that they’d bring yer dead body in my cell. ‘N fuck. After so long ‘a not feelin’ right, ‘n the constant reminders- the threats… I gave in.” Ranmaru’s voice is weak. Vulnerable. “Didn’t feel like I had a choice. Because I really thought they had you, ‘n they wouldn’t let me see you. …’N then they told me they didn’t ‘ave you. But they knew where you were ‘n they always could <i>really</i> get you. Send people into the agency ‘t kill you. Gave me the right location ‘n everythin’. Our fuckin’ room number. …’N that’s what did it. …’N then learnin’ that you were bein’ hurt ‘n I had no fuckin’ idea? That I didn’t stop it?”</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>“I’m sorry.” Tokiya’s forehead aches a bit, with how hard he’s pressing his forehead into Ranmaru’s, but Ranmaru only presses back. “It’s a long story, but it wasn’t my intention. I was trying to help Ren-”</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>“He told me.” Ranmaru’s voice is harder to read now. “‘N I know why you did it, but I can’t say that I know it was yer place.”</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>“But if his boyfriend were you? I’m alive, Ran, but- God, I can’t imagine what would happen to either of them.”</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>“...This is yer one, Toki. ‘M not lettin’ you go back out ‘n get yerself hurt again.” Ranmaru warns. “I’m obviously not gonna go tellin’ on Ren. Because fer all the what ifs yer thinkin’ about- it <i>was</i> you this time. No more notes. No more leavin’ while I’m asleep. I thought we already talked about that one.” </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>Tokiya winces, though it does send a stab of pain through his back. “You’re so much better, Ran. ...I… admittedly didn’t think that still applied.”</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>“Of course it does.” Ranmaru scowls. “It’s always gonna apply. From now ‘til the day you die. I don’t want you leavin’ if I don’t know where you are. <i>’Specially</i> not while I’m asleep.”</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>Tokiya sighs, but he pulls away so that he can duck his head, hiding his face in the crook of Ranmaru’s neck. </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>“I think you need ‘t sleep.” Ranmaru sighs. “You’ve been gone fer hours. It’s almost ten at night.”</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>“Jesus.” Tokiya’s entire body aches. It was really a miracle he had stayed away as long as he had. “...Alright. I’ll… move over. I’m going to have to sleep on my stomach.”</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>They had started sleeping pressed up against each other again- and that night, Tokiya actually sleeps a bit angled, because Ranmaru ends up propping him up some with his body. </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>Ren visits the next day- to apologize and thank Tokiya profusely. Tokiya had given him a tired smile from the bed that Ranmaru had forced him to stay in and had told Ren to not let it keep him up at night. </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>“I knew what I was doing. And faced with the alternative, I made the right choice.”</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>When Tokiya is allowed to be up and about again, he’s still forced back into the bed if Ranmaru takes any naps. </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>“I’d hope y’wouldn’t sneak out again.” Ranmaru mumbles, already half asleep. “But I don’t wanna take any chances.”</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>It’s only about a week later, when Ren ends up entering Tokiya and Ranmaru’s room- not even knocking. His expression may be one of the most serious Tokiya had seen on him. </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>“We’re leaving.” Ren says quietly. There are no cameras, no mics in these rooms- but there are in the hallway and this is one of the most taboo things that Ren could bring up. “Masa has a place for us. I want the both of you to come with me.”</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>Ranmaru’s face is immediately distrustful. Tokiya’s trying to keep the hope out of his. </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>“How d’y’know it’s safe?”</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>“It’s his family. ...And they’re awfully close to my own.”</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>“Huh?” Tokiya’s eyebrows furrow. </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>“Masa and I were childhood friends.” Ren’s voice is fast, rushing through his explanation- clearly low on time. “We split, because I joined this agency first, and somewhere down the line he joined another. It was… to spite our families. Masa’s family has their own agency- my family is a corporation. My family, for a long time, supplied money to his… but it’s a very… different place.” Ren steps forward, to take both of Tokiya’s hands in his. His expression is pleading. “It’s safer there. It’s better. Toki, I promise I would never drag you away anywhere if I didn’t know that it would be better for you. ...I’m the reason you’re hurt right now, and I want to make that up to you. Please.”</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>Tokiya glances at Ranmaru. “I want to go.” He admits quietly. “But I can’t if you don’t want to.”</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>“Well it’s not like I’d let you leave me behind anyways.” Ranmaru clicks his tongue. He looks at Ren, almost a bit wary, and then he sighs. “We’ll go.” He affirms. “But what’s this Agency’s name, anyways?” </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>Ren gives a slightly sheepish grin. “Shining Ability Service- as Masa likes to put it. Personally, I prefer S.A.S.”</i>
  </i>
</p>
  </div></div>
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